writing for self-discovery

Have you noticed that some people seem to exist in a continuous state of contentment? They wear a smile and glow with sheer goodness. I have a daughter and sister like that.

Me? I have to work at it. There are moments when I’m relaxed and at peace with all things. But they are fleeting and rare.

Yesterday, I finished yoga and settled into meditation.

I’ve found that the Universe knows a lot more than I do, and when I take time to ask and listen, the answers are there. After a few deep breaths, shutting out the chatter and distraction of hundreds of cacophonous crows squawking joyously in the grain field, I was ready. I didn’t have to wait. “What’s next?” popped out of the cobwebby corners and lit up my frontal lobe.

It had only been one day since Sis and I hauled the last load of construction debris to the dump.

The house was finished. The yard was spotlessly clean. The garage finally had room for the car.

Had life ended, or was it about to begin?

It’s no wonder, What next? was uppermost in my mind.

I sat there, curious about what revelations would come forth. Then these words appeared hovering in the dark place behind my eyes: the discipline of acceptance. They faded and were followed by these: the discipline of contentment. That was it. I offered gratitude and put away my mala beads from Bali and the amber ring from San Miguel de Allende, talismans that aid my journies into the mysterious beyond.

Throughout the day, I fixated on the cryptic messages. Never before had I equated discipline with acceptance or contentment. Those ideas were meaty mind food, and that night I fell asleep still chewing on them.

In the moody fog of morning, I pulled out my journal and began a rehash of activities of the previous day. But instead of what I did and how I did it, my pen took over. THE DISCIPLINE OF ACCEPTANCE, it wrote in all caps. You are responsible for everything about your life. Wisdom tumbled out faster than I could write. But I caught the essence as follows.

Rather than seeking someone else to blame for imperfections in your life, turn the spotlight on yourself. Blame is toxic. It creates resentment, even hatred, and the result can make you physically ill. If you can say instead, ‘This is what is. This is my body now. These are the circumstances I am faced with. I will not point the finger or blame anyone else. I accept this as it is at this moment and I will do what it takes to overcome my pain and displeasure around the situation.’ If you can say that and do that, you are ready to unpack your emotions and take responsibility.

I admit that I feel angry, but anger is counterproductive. It doesn’t serve me. I choose not to be angry.

I feel grief. Grief is an acceptable and warranted emotion. I will allow grief to run its course.

I feel depressed. I know that turning my focus to healthy lifestyle choices like walking, singing, writing, painting, drawing, exercising, and meditating, will serve to lessen the despondency. I choose to take action.

What acceptance DOESN’T MEAN…

It doesn’t mean you stop trying to change the circumstances. Acceptance is moment by moment. This is what is right now, and this is what I need to do to improve the situation. Acceptance is not giving up. It’s a choice not to wallow.

When you choose the discipline of acceptance you recover control over your thoughts, your emotions, and your life. The grim elephant sitting on your chest, filling your heart with heaviness and dread, moves on. It cannot remain where it isn’t allowed.

When acceptance has been achieved – that state of resigned endurance, “Okay, this is what it is until it isn’t,” you move on to the discipline of contentment.

Contentment is the higher calling, perhaps the highest state of being we mere mortals can hope to achieve. It’s easier to be content when everything is going smoothly. But to be content, say, when your elderly parent requires more and more of your time; when your finances take a dive and leave you struggling; when health issues arise; when your child is unhappy – contentment in the face of difficulty is a challenge. But it is not insurmountable.

Contentment comes on the heels of acceptance and is laced with gratitude. It requires a shift away from the negatives to focus on all the good that still exists for you. Choosing contentment requires mastery of the mind, agency over thoughts, flexibility to enact change, a heart of gratitude, and above all, an unwavering belief that your goals are worth fighting for – that your life, in spite of and because of, is worth living.