It’s cloud illusions I recall, I really don’t know clouds…at all


Joni Mitchell. Moons and Junes and ferris wheels…what great lyrics. She moves from clouds, to love, to life and finds they’re all illusions. Songwriters can get away with that. So can poets. I tried.

According to An illusion is something that isn’t real. It may look real, but it’s actually fake — just a crafty construction or fantasy. There are other, more academic definitions, but I like this one. I spent many years trying to look real, or the version of real I wanted everyone to believe. I craftily constructed myself to align with my fantasy. It was hard work and the outside was forever at odds with the inside.

There was huge fear attached to the vulnerability of being known. Some early programming had to be dislodged before I could accept my true, gritty, unenhanced, self. But what freedom when that was finally possible! What ease. The illusion of life became real life. The illusion of love became deep, honest, true love. And the illusion of clouds…


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