I want someone who has studied the workings of the mind to tell me what’s going on with mine.
In the last few months I’ve become a fascinating creature very unlike my former self. Fascinating to me, that is. I doubt anyone else would find me particularly remarkable. It’s just that in less time than it takes to grow an onion, I’ve morphed into someone I don’t recognize.
I like things I didn’t like before. I take pleasure in doing things I didn’t want to do before. On the flip side…I’ve no interest in projects that used to absorb me for hours.
It’s involuntary. That’s what’s so weird. If I’d decided to take up cooking because I had time on my hands and it made sense, fine. But it wasn’t like that. I just woke up one morning with a maniacal urge to cook. There was no forethought, no pre-planning, only a fierce, single-minded compulsion and I knew if I did nothing else that day, I – would – make – food.
Crafty projects? Just shoot me.
That was before. Inspiration strikes frequently now. There was the plastic bag flag-string to deter bats. I had a hoot making it. I refinished my table top. The design for a veggie garden I dreamed up was implemented by Ketut – I was quite happy to delegate the actual work!
And today…
Stencil the steps.
Where did that come from? This isn’t the States. I can’t run out to Hobby Lobby, Craft Warehouse, or Michaels and pick out a stencil that tickles my fancy. If I want to stencil my steps I’ll have to come up with a design, find a piece of heavy plastic, transfer the image, cut it out…
By this time the old Sherry would have said, #@&%$ the steps! (The new Sherry doesn’t swear…HAHAHA!) But, no! The challenge energized me. By noon I’d Googled stencils, found one I loved, made a copy, taped it to an old laminated flier, and…
stopped.
The more I studied the image the less I knew how to proceed. Where did I want the paint to show up? Where should the concrete be left bare? How could I cut it so the holes were where I wanted them without the entire thing falling apart? Am I boring you yet?
Somehow I figured it out.
Several hours later I’d stenciled the left side of the steps, taken the paint-covered template upstairs, washed it, dried it, and flipped it over to use the reverse pattern on the right side. One more step to go…
And…
done.
My makeshift stencil worked. I hadn’t been one-hundred percent enamored with Ketut’s whitewash. It needed something. The indistinctness of the butterfly isn’t too dressy but it brings closure to an otherwise unfinished thought.
Which reminds me of my original question: What’s going on in my head?
It’s kind of fun being a stranger to myself – disturbing, too. What if I began changing in radical ways over which I had no more control than I do over the wild inspiration to cook or craft? Whoa! Way too much fodder for the imagination – scratch that.
I was starving after I finished the paint job. Google had a recipe for adzuki bean hummus. My mouth watered.
In no time I’d whipped up a purplish-brown bowl of the beany paste and sat down with crackers and a crisp, pinot grigio to write this post.
I’m sure I’m not the only one questioning my sanity after months of COVID craziness. What I’ve emphasized here are more-or-less positive manifestations of a mind deviating from its norm. Don’t misunderstand. It deviates in negative ways, too. But I keep those meanderings caged. I’d rather laugh, wouldn’t you?
writing for self-discovery 
Jul 05, 2020 @ 18:27:17
You haven’t gone completely mad because those steps look like something you’d do and I love them.
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 18:40:42
They’re something I’d do NOW. Not something I would have done THEN. So they’re really no gauge of my sanity or lack of same! But if I can fool all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time…!
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 18:48:09
Interesting. I suspect most of us have let a new side of self emerge during these strange times. Enjoy those changes. They may stay or go. Wait and see. But for the moment, enjoy the difference. Stay safe.
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 19:30:54
Do you think that’s it, Steve? We’re ‘allowing’ a different side of self out of the box? Maybe there’s room for more now and everything’s coming out to play!
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 03:35:08
I miss seeing my kids and close friends. I miss going out some. I don’t miss church much, or book group, or work gatherings, or gatherings with friends who are not that close. I miss TALKING. I think I am remaking myself some. When this is over, I want to see all my kids at once, I want to go to a studio and do art, and I don’t think I will spend so much time with new people, I just want my old people back! I can’t wait to hug people I don’t live with again.
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 21:45:16
I love your butterfly steps. Winging your way up!
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 11:14:00
The butterfly is a symbolic creature for me. Transition. Transformation. Expansion. Gracefulness. Growth. Beauty. And the fact they can fly…yes! Winging my way up! Thank you for commenting.
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 21:46:51
Maybe itās that the things that used to ābusyā us….no longer make any sense at all.
Could it be true self peeking out?
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 11:08:20
True Self. We are such complex beings. I think the self has many facets and different ones present under different circumstances. But hopefully at the core, the self is rock-solid, diamond-hard, and of sufficiently strong character to withstand these challenging times.
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Jul 05, 2020 @ 23:45:40
And here in The U.S. in addition to the pandemic we have the Black Lives Matter protests, those attempting to co-op those, the incredible political upheaval and a world gone crazy. All but one person in my writing group canāt write about the now. Iām personally in a cocoon of my own making. Small world, small world. Iām puzzling like never before and somehow the small challenge and reward do those keeps me steady. Go figure.
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 10:58:10
It’s interesting to note the things that become challenges now. If you’d painted a scenario like covid for me BEFORE covid, I think I’d have imagined far different responses to the situations than I’m actually experiencing. Make for great self-discovery material!!!
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 03:33:43
I miss seeing my kids and close friends. I miss going out some. I don’t miss church much, or book group, or work gatherings, or gatherings with friends who are not that close. I miss TALKING. I think I am remaking myself some. When this is over, I want to see all my kids at once, I want to go to a studio and do art, and I don’t think I will spend so much time with new people, I just want my old people back! I can’t wait to hug people I don’t live with again.
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 09:15:14
Thatās what Iāve called it. Covid craziness. I e bern obsessed with āpurgingā. To the point of hurting my āoldā self my knee is killing me from carrying something I shouldnāt have. And now Iām going to risk life itself and fly to MN to care for my grandson while their parents pack for a move.
COVID19 craziness? For sure. Pray for me
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 11:00:47
I wish you a safe flight and mindful self-care while you care for your grandson. You mustn’t neglect that!
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 10:55:27
I hear you, Tracy…hugs…yes. I don’t hug anybody because I don’t live with anybody and I used to hug everybody – I was one of THOSE. I don’t miss talking but I do miss listening to other people talk. Thanks for your comments. Keep on keeping on!
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Jul 06, 2020 @ 20:39:43
Your mind sounds perfectly wonderful to me. Your excess energy whether caused by stress or just more free time has found delightful ways to expend itself. Food and art! What could be better…..except maybe some music. Lots of people are becoming depressed and when that happens, it is best to identify it so that it can be taken care of. Always best to face the truth to yourself even if no one else’s business. Your urges toward the kitchen and the pallet may not last so enjoy while you can. It all looks great to me.
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Jul 07, 2020 @ 17:09:47
Thank you! It’s encouraging that my mind sounds wonderful to somebody… And music – I need it like never before. Thank you for reminding me – I used to find it difficult to concentrate with any kind of music in the background. Now, I can hardly function without it. Another conundrum of covid.
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Jul 07, 2020 @ 00:35:19
When we are not running around and around in endless circles of ābusy-ness ā, the creativity that was always there is able to show itself. Itās an awesome thing!
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Jul 07, 2020 @ 16:48:25
So very true. You sound like you’re speaking from experience!
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Jul 07, 2020 @ 04:11:23
The virus lockdown had to have some positive elements – and I guess it has made all of us more creative as we unconsciously work to preserve our sanity. Unlike you, we do have Hobbyrama etc open here in Australia which, not surprisingly, are thriving under these new conditions.
But your innovation has to go much further than a trip down to the hobby shop…..who knows where all this will end up but we are enjoying reading about your journey…..take careš
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Jul 07, 2020 @ 16:54:14
Thank you for commenting. Hobbyrama – that’s one I hadn’t heard of. That’s the big question mark isn’t it – where will this all end up? Now Bali is saying it will open to foreign tourists in September. Why? Numbers of cases continue to rise. And what tourists will come with that happening here? It’s a wait-and-see time for the entire world and it feels very very strange.
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Jul 08, 2020 @ 11:14:51
It sounds as though you are tuning in more to the creative side of your personality. Nothing wrong with that! Have heard many people experience similar outcomes of Covid 19 Lockdown. I have even taken up knitting again (heaven forbid) – although do not imagine it will last long enough to see something more worthy than a hotwater bottle cover.(Yes, its Winter here).
Wonder if you have heard of ‘Enneagram’ – it talks about 9 different types or style archetypes that represent the way people think, feel and act in relation to the world. Its more than a personality test and I found it quite interesting.
Good luck on more fun in the Kitchen.
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Jul 08, 2020 @ 20:04:55
The Enneagram test sounds interesting. Thanks for mentioning it. I’m envious of your knitting skills! My grandmother tried to teach me and I was hopeless. I did a little better with crochet. I’ve always been creative, but it’s coming out in new ways which is quite shocking and really fun. Good luck with that hot water bottle cover!!!
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