writing for self-discovery

My mother-in-law (#3) was a unique human – at times scary. She had numerous, unforgettable quips, but the one that has been top-of-mind most recently was the simple directive, Love expresses itself in service.

I’m not 100% certain that she knew what love was, but she absolutely knew how to enveigle people into her service. (You will see that word again!)

It’s been four weeks since I left the serenity of my cozy little house in backwoods Minnesota, and set out to express my love in precisely her way.

First was a week at my youngest daughter’s home, catsitting, while they chased the eclipse. The twins caught it, by the way, somewhere in Arkansas.

From Minneapolis, I flew to Connecticut, where my middle daughter and her husband, had just purchased a home. We could all see the potential, but blimey! The only thing it had going for it was potential.

I found my rhythm tearing out carpet that had been walked on, spilled on, lived on for 40 years and (my guess) had never been cleaned. Matted, brown trails led from room to room. Dents and divets indicated where every piece of furniture once stood and most likely had never been moved.  

How did I know the age of this disgusting floor covering? The treasure below told the tale. Under that foul wrap lay immaculate, gleaming, never-been-touched hardwood floors. The entire, 3,000 sq. ft. house, with the exception of the tiled kitchen, entry, and baths, had fully finished red oak hardwood.

Fiendishly, I worked with my son-in-law, ripping out carpet and pad, crowbarring the tack strips, yanking staples, expressing my love.

From there, I flew to Isle of Palms, South Carolina, with my daughter and granddaughters, to care for the girls for four days while Mom went to Napa for a friend’s 40th birthday. (Why don’t my friends celebrate birthdays in Napa? Just saying…)

Then, back to Connecticut to express more love.

So, here I am, solo in CT, holding down the fort, meeting with junk-hauling professionals, yard cleanup artisans, and a bevy of realtors since my family has decided they prefer Isle of Palms and want to sell this property ASAP.

You know what? I’m so proud of them. They listened to their hearts. They weren’t afraid to do a 360° and admit that this was a mistake. And I tagged along for the wild ‘n’ crazy ride. What a privilege.

In a few more days, I’ll be heading back to IOP for another childcare gig and some relaxing beach time, while Mom flies to Captiva for work.

When I get home, it will almost be summer in Minnesota. Lilacs blooming. Gardens sprouting.

I’ll return to continue my own house project: a new front door, carpeting in the loft (installing, not ripping out).

And I’ll take my turn hosting occasional dinners with the other three codgers in our little elder enclave. When we’re sitting around my table satiated, another of my mother-in-law’s epic quotes will be running through my head:

Lord, spare me please the dinner guest, who, when I’m simply dead for rest, enveigles me against my wishes, to get right up and do the dishes!

………….

In 1992, Gary Chapman published a book, The Five Love Languages, where he outlined the following means of expressing affection:

Receiving gifts

Words of affirmation

Physical touch

Quality time

Acts of service

and suggested that individuals tend to lean more strongly toward one of these, and that is their unique love language. He went on to say that we tend to express our love for others in the same language that we receive love. But to strengthen the relationship bond, it’s important to pay attention and learn the love language that is specific to them.

For me…

I don’t need gifts

I know when I’ve done a good job, so I don’t need words of affirmation

And physical touch…just shake my hand, OK?

But quality time and acts of service – yes, please! And if I’m totally honest, like my scary mother-in-law, acts of service heads my list.

What about you?