There’s no denying it. The past four months have changed us.
Knowing what we’re all dealing with in some form or another, wouldn’t you think everyone would be a little kinder? A bit more compassionate? Patient? Longsuffering?
What I see isn’t quite like that.
The proverbial rubber, it seems, has hit the road. There’s a don’t-mess-with-me attitude weaving its tentacles into every area of life: friendships, partnerships, work, driving, waiting in line. It’s as though our BS meter is set on high: If you’re not going to level with me, don’t waste my time.
Irritation prickles on the skin – I feel it the instant I wake up – like a racehorse harnessed to a plow.
I’ve been doing things every morning to convince the horse that the plow is a good thing, that plodding instead of galloping makes time for a rich inner life. But in spite of that, too often I say Screw the plow! and mad-dash through the fields with that worthless piece of crap bouncing off every furrow behind me while I’m flying my freak-flag high.
And you know what?
It feels good. It feels good to shock myself, to think something I wouldn’t ordinarily think, say something I wouldn’t ordinarily say (like screw the plow), do things I didn’t do before (like cook), and stop doing things that once defined my life.
That’s the more difficult part to come to terms with – a loss of interest in what once occupied most of my waking hours. It’s like I went into the cocoon as a caterpillar but I haven’t yet emerged. I’m still marinating. The words of the woman who read my astrological chart in March of this year, haunt me. “Even if you thought you knew what was ahead for you, Sherry, you’d be wrong.”
That could apply to any of us and it’s probably the reason we feel a little strange in our own skin. It’s not knowing how to plan, not having a predictable future, not being certain that the virus won’t arrive in our homes on a lettuce leaf or under a fingernail, or wondering if maybe it already has. Things like that mess with the mind.
So here’s my challenge to you…
Fly your freak-flag high. Be the out-of-the-box wild-child you always wanted to be. Embrace whatever random ideas float through your mutinous mind and try them on for size. Trust me, they won’t all fit. But you get to choose.
Suddenly, in the middle of writing this post, I had to stop and actually make a Freak Flag. I don’t do crafts, right? That’s what I mean. Where do these compulsions come from? It took about five minutes to know exactly what I wanted.
Why don’t you make one, too, and let me know what yours says.
writing for self-discovery 
Jul 19, 2020 @ 03:51:56
Wonder if you have done the Enneagram personality test – its free-takes about 10 minutes & would love to know what Number you are??I have done it and was amazed by the accuracy. Guessing you might be a Number 7 – but could be wrong.
Enjoy the ‘not boring’ days!
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 03:54:32
Wondering if you have done the Enneagram personality test yet – Its free and takes about 10 mins. I was amazed at the accuracy. Am guessing you are a Number 7 but could be wrong?
Enjoy your new ‘Non-Boring’ days!
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 16:43:30
Hi Gail. Thanks for reminding me about the Enneagram test! I’ll have to check that out. So you think I’m a 7…? I’ll let you know!
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 17:42:33
You nailed it…I’m a 7.
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 09:57:51
Loved your latest ‘bulletin’ Sherry….and I think a lot of us will identify with your mood swings under these new, and previously unimaginable circumstances.
For example, coming back to Australia in November last year – after a 9 year absence – I immediately got cracking on mapping out my new life and in no time at all things were really ticking over….not enough hours in the day👍 And my Tarot business was almost paying our (expensive) Australian food bill.
Then suddenly everything stopped dead! At first there was a novelty affect, but now that’s all gone and even though the Coronavirus restrictions have been lifted in this state, it’s almost impossible to get back to where I was because of the uncertainty that haunts us all.
What can I say….only that, for some strange reason, it’s alway a relief to read that there are others out there who we admire, who are feeling just as lost! Don’t know why that matters….but it does💕
Love…..Ellen
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 16:41:25
Hi Ellen…thank you for telling me about your circumstances in Australia. I know people who offer Tarot readings online and are doing well. I don’t know if that’s something you would consider, but , as you say, these are ‘new and previously unimaginable circumstances’ and we pretty much have to reinvent ourselves yet again.
It IS a relief to hear others tell of similar struggles and know that this is a global experience, not just me. I wish you good luck finding your next right thing and running with it. If anyone can, Ellen…YOU CAN!
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 14:40:11
Wonder if you’ve somehow been in a corner of my eye watching and listening to my mind! What a potent entry this was for me. I was kinda on my way to Bali when this brain and this pandemic shot the hell out of my best laid plans. Oh dear Sherry! Stuck here in nowheresville (Iowa ) fresh out of NYC! Now on my way to my couch from my bed! Can’t go back. Can’t go forward. 71 years of noT planning …. is this it? Will I ever find my spot? My exotic dream-life ?
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Jul 19, 2020 @ 17:01:47
Tears filled my eyes when I read this Shelley. Don’t give up hope. Maybe that exotic dream-life wasn’t the one for you. Maybe this has saved you from making a huge mistake. Maybe it’s time to dream a new dream, one that you can start right now from your couch in Iowa.
We don’t know what’s ahead or how long it will be before some semblance of real life returns. But it’s important to have a project to keep your mind occupied on something positive. Here’s a question: What did little Shelley love to do as a child? What could occupy her for hours and make her so happy? Perhaps there’s some clue in remembering that will help you figure out how to bring some of that joy back into your life.
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Jul 21, 2020 @ 09:06:45
Hah! Little Shelley just struggled to survive as a little girl. Growing up as the odd ball in a traditional family was no picnic.
xoxo
Shelley
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Jul 26, 2020 @ 19:40:27
I didn’t see your response until just now, Shelley, but I think that’s all the more reason to try to remember where you found moments, slivers, of feeling happy. Was it when you were alone? Did you have a certain room of the house you felt more comfortable in? Or was it when you were away from home that you could experience some measure of happiness? If there was anything at all positive about childhood, what would that have been?
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