You did what?!

The frogs kept me awake last night. When the sky brightened, hinting at morning, I got up, groggy, thinking maybe I would skip yoga. But force of habit had me dressed in racer bra and thigh-hugging bottoms before my logical mind kicked in. At that point it was easier to do the routine than to change clothes.

Afterwards, clear, focused, I made a list.

But first, a bit of historical data to bring you up to date…

I’m the one who sold everything and moved to Bali.
I’m the one who preaches ‘simplify’ as a way of life.
I’m the one who moves at least once every two to four months.

So, back to the list. It was short:

Olive oil
Chilies
Incense
Desk
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Perhaps you’ve noted that the first three are consumable. All of my lists to date have been items I can eat, wear, or burn. So what, might you ask, and rightly so, is DESK doing on the list?

It’s complicated. Actually, it’s embarrassingly simple. I love furniture. I’m renting a house that is fully furnished but has no desk. I wanted a desk. I could picture it and the more space it took up in my head the more I wanted to own it.

I spoke to Ketut. He offered to have his brother make one. That’s my life here. It’s like having a magic lamp with a genie that grants my every wish. And that would have been fine, but the newer pieces of furniture in the house have a whitewashed finish. I’m fond of that finish. Ketut’s brother only does brown. I asked Ketut if he knew where this furniture came from. “Andong,” he said, and off we went.

The first three shops had nice stuff but no desks. The 4th place had two, one with a carved top that was oh-so-cute, but completely impractical. Then Ketut saw the second one; no carving, but two handy drawers in the front, perfect size, adorable!

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There was a sticker with the price on it. “Old price,” the shop owner said. “Now 150,000 rph.” I mentally did the math. That’s $14. The old price was $11. We negotiated and I got it for the old price. I know, I know…a solid wood, adorable desk with 2 drawers in a whitewashed finish for $11. Don’t hate me.

While I was gearing up my best Indonesian to negotiate a delivery, Ketut picked up the desk, carried it out to the motorbike, and said, “Take now.” I must have had that “You’ve got to be you-know-whating me” look on my face because he gave me his biggest, thoothiest grin, and said, “In middle possible.”

I just want you to know that I have now, officially, crossed over. I have transported a fairly large piece of furniture through central Ubud, riding across my lap, hanging out perilously on both sides, on the back of a motorbike. And the scariest of all…it seemed like the logical thing to do!

The Queen is Dead

In August, Ubud had a mass cremation. Sixty some Balinese people who may have already been buried for years, were fetched, cleaned up, and cremated. In October there was a mass tooth filing. The ceremony was performed on over 200 Balinese people. Holy men were carted in from the far reaches to have enough holiness to perform the rite for all those people in one day.

Cremations and tooth filings, weddings and the ground touching ceremony at a baby’s three month birthday, are very expensive events. A tooth filing costs approximately $1000 U.S. In Bali, where the average income weighs in at about $40/month, providing these all important rituals for the family would be impossible without a mass event. When the cost is spread out over enough folks, it becomes affordable.

But if you’re the queen, the game changes. This account of today’s cremation appeared in The Jakarta Post. The photos are mine.

The palebon agung, a term reserved for the cremation ceremonies of royal family members — as opposed to ngaben, the ceremony for normal Balinese — will be conducted for Tjokorda Istri Sri Tjandrawati, the late wife of the Ubud palace’s penglingsir (family leader) Tjokorda Gde Putra Sukawati. She passed away on Oct. 14 at the age of 59 at the Mount Elizabeth Hospital in Singapore after a year-long fight against stomach cancer.
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Her embalmed body has been lying in state in a pavilion inside Ubud palace in preparation for the palebon agung since Oct. 15. Alongside her were her belongings, such as a comb, small mirror and toothbrush. Family members also brought offerings every day, such as coffee and tea, which were the deceased’s favorites during her life.
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Two Hindu high priests will lead the cremation ceremony. They are Ida Pedanda Lingsir of Padang Tegal and Ida Padanda Aan.
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The palebon agung will be held Friday. Various rituals will start around 12:30 p.m., when the body of the deceased will be transported on the bade (cremation tower) to the Dalem Puri royal cemetery east of the palace.
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The purple and gold bull waits in readiness outside the palace

The procession will involve two major props; a 7.5 meter-tall (24.6 feet) wooden sarcophagus in the form of a purple buffalo and a 25 meter-tall (82 feet) bade with nine tiers. In Bali, the eleven-tiered bade is reserved only for a ruling king.
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The body of the deceased will be moved from the palace to this tower via the scaffolding on the right, then carried through the streets to the cemetery.

Main roads in Ubud will be closed to vehicles during the procession, while electricity will be shut down starting from around 9 a.m. as cable poles will be dismounted to prevent them blocking the bade. Around 5,000 men from Ubud will take turns carrying the heavy tower along the 1 kilometer road from the palace to the cemetery. Upon reaching the cremation site, the body will be transported to the sarcophagus and then burned into ashes.
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The tower has been connected to the second scaffolding. Now the body of the deceased will be removed and placed into the hollow body of the bull.

The nuduk galih ceremony will follow after the procession completes. The remains will be cleaned with coconut water to be blessed again. After this ceremony, the remains will be rearranged to shape a human form on a piece of cloth.
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The fire raged and debris flew through the air as people scrambled away from the heat.

The whole process ends when the remains — including the ashes, bones, and all other parts — are covered with the cloth and floated out to sea. The deceased’s remains will be disbursed off Matahari Terbit beach in Sanur.
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The streets were jammed with vendors, tourists and three, shiny, red fire trucks.

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It was a little like a street fair. Thousands of people, Balinese and tourists alike, turned out to pay their last respects.

No matter how many cremations I witness, I am still struck by the lack of mourning. Not that sadness doesn’t exist when a loved one passes. But good-byes are said in private, surrounded by family and community.

And then it’s show time. The tower and bull are carried through the streets accompanied by the percussive pounding of gamelan. Water hoses are trained on the straining bodies of the pallbearers who glisten with sweat under the crushing weight.

Add to that scene, the colorful carts of food vendors, women selling sarongs piled high on their heads, bouquets of flashy mylar balloons, bright colored sunbrellas, and tourists looking like they’ve worn their bedspreads in an attempt to fit in, and you have a royal cremation. P1050110

Motorbike Magical Mystery Tour

My brain felt cobwebby. What to do? Force it into submission and write? Sometimes that works. Or…

I chose the ‘or’ and plotted an escape. There is a vast mountain area of Bali that I haven’t explored. I got out the map. When Ketut brought breakfast, I ran the idea past him. A few days earlier I’d asked him what he liked best about his job. “Petualangan,” he said. Petualangan, translated, means adventure.

So yesterday, at 6:30 a.m., we left Ubud behind and headed for Mt. Batukaru. I packed bottled water, grabbed a couple of pears, and slipped on my raincoat. It would serve as a windbreaker in the early morning cool, and I had no doubt we would encounter rain at some point in the cloud-covered mountains.

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Bali has just completed another three day Galungan celebration so graceful penjors bowed over the streets of the villages we passed through. The elaborate designs, each one different, are a testimony to the unlimited creativity of the Balinese. Snapping photos over the top of Ketut’s helmet, I captured the road ahead.

P1040889P1040890There are many benefits to getting an early start. Traffic is minimal, and the tour buses aren’t yet on the road. But the morning markets are bustling. There isn’t a more typical Balinese scene than this, a group of vendors selling fruits and vegetables to the local people at sunrise.

Weaving between baskets of produce and the men and women collecting their provisions for the day, we continued on our way.

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The countryside sped by with vast stretches of rice fields meeting the horizon on either side. The cobwebs began to blow away. I sucked my lungs full of fresh air and closed my eyes. The wind, the sun, the freedom to be here…what bliss. What blessing.

We were climbing. Every road going north from Ubud ascends toward the mountains. A little to the east, Mt. Agung boasts the highest elevation at 3,142 meters. Mt. Batur, directly north, stands at 1,717 meters, and northwest of Ubud, Batukaru, our destination this morning, is the second highest reaching 2,276 meters.

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A picturesque village in the shadow of Batukaru

One of the things I love about Bali is the changing landscape. There are flat rice fields, terraced paddies, timbered mountainsides, tranquil lakes, ocean beaches, black sand, white sand, bumpy lava coasts and rocky cliffs.

As we entered the switchbacks for the serious climb upward, Ketut said, “You want see botanic garden?” I’ve learned that when Ketut says, “You want see,” or “You want go,” the answer should always be an unqualified, “Yes!” No matter what image my mind conjures up, it is bound to be so far off the mark that it’s better not to even imagine. Just say yes and go.

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Ketut chats with the vendor while I snap their picture

A few minutes later we pulled into an empty parking lot at the Botanical Garden of Bedugul and dismounted. Ketut ordered two cups of Nescafe. I’ve said it before, but I repeat, nothing tastes better after biking in the chill mountain air, than a cup of hot, super sweet, Balinese Nescafe!

At 8:00 a.m. we walked through the deserted area, past a sleeping guard, up to the ticket window. Sure enough, the happy face behind the glass was awake and welcomed us to the gardens. I paid the 18,000 rph, roughly $1.75 U.S., and we strolled into botanical paradise.

The park is huge and we were it’s first visitors. We rambled through the glades and glens, along avenues of towering palms, through medicinal gardens, a ceremonial plant collection, giant ferns, orchids, and a patch of blood-red amaryllis blooms. Two pachyderm topiaries stood guard at the entrance of the Begonia House.

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Topiary elephants stand guard at the Begonia House

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Grotto in the Begonia House

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Domed screens provide the necessary shade for hundreds of begonia species

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The first glimpse of Lake Bratan is a welcome reward for the ever-upward hike through the park

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The carpet of green rolls unbroken under a shady canopy

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Another peek through the trees of the distant lake

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Finally, at the top, Lake Bratan spreads out below in sapphire glory

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It was hard to pull ourselves away from that enchanted hilltop, but another surprise awaited: Cactus House!

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After the dry heat preferred by the cacti, Orchid House was a shadowy retreat

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A sea of Amaryllis

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This avenue of palms could be the approach to a mansion, but it leads instead to the Herbarium, Laboratory, and Library housed in the park.

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Pools, bridges, resting places, are interspersed here and there, around the next bend in the path

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A collection of medicinal herbs in manicured beds have signs designating their latin names

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Two deer create a heart shape on one of the boulevards

A little way in, rock music blasted from somewhere in the distance. Through the trees we saw a crew setting up for an event that would be taking place later in the day. Farther on, another crew was preparing a venue for a crowd complete with sound system and tented shelters. By the time we left, hundreds of Balinese and Javanese people had arrived. Twelve tour buses, countless rows of mini-vans, and an area of motorbikes packed in like sardines, filled the parking lot. I was thrilled that we had gotten there first.

Ketut rescued his bike from the crowd, and we made our way to the next stop, Ulun Danu Bratan, the famous temple in the water.

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Ulun Danu Temple in Lake Bratan

I took this photo, but it looks just like thousands of others I’ve seen. What this picture doesn’t reveal, are the hoards of tourists everywhere, all struggling for a shot of the epic Hindu temple.

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Lake Tamblingan

The best time to visit any special site in Bali is early morning. Often the sky is clearest, and the tourists and vendors who will later flock to the area, are still waking up.

After Ulun Danu, we followed a ridge that skirted the three lakes in the Mt. Batukaru caldera, Lake Bratan, Lake Buyan, and Lake Tamblingan. There were no tourists along that ridge. In fact we encountered very few people at all, just immense peace.

P1050048The morning pears and coffee had worn off. A roadside warung offered lunch to go. Ketut found a serene lakeside area for a picnic and we unwrapped our brown paper parcels. I haven’t perfected the Balinese finger style, but managed to eat the whole, spicy delicious thing.

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“Road broken…a little massage!” Ketut shouts happily as my knuckles grow ever whiter.

Full and happy, I was eager to get going. I’d heard about Lovina, a small town on the coast, and Ketut said he knew the way.

Of course, Ketut knew the way, the back way, the adventurous way of razor-sharp turns and perpendicular plunges with no side rails to block the crashing descent to a bottomless somewhere should a tire slip. Add to that a road that had been chewed up by sluicing rivers of rainwater plummeting down from the mountains, and you have a very exciting ride!

I was certain we would have to turn around and retrace our way as the washed-out ruts became deeper and patches of pavement more scarce. But, wonder of wonders, we rounded a bend and the road became whole. In a few moments we were tooling into Lovina. He teased me later, “Want to go home same way?” Thanks, Ketut. I’d rather walk!

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Dry terraces as we approach Lovina with the ocean in the distance

The landscape coming into Lovina was parched. The town itself skirted the coast for several miles. We followed the main road, clogged with cars, trucks, and motorbikes. Ketut turned in at a beach area where the boats leave early in the morning filled with tourists who want to watch the dolphins. The attendant apologized to me that I had come too late and would have to come back in the morning. I didn’t bother to explain, just thanked him and headed for black sand and rolling breakers.

Wading knee-deep I let the vibrations of the motorbike melt out of my body and flow into the tugging waves. The ocean was beautiful, but Lovina cast no spell.

The way home took us back into the mountains through the rain I had anticipated. Warm drops pelted my face as the pavement slipped along under the wheels. The cooling moisture felt good on my skin. “You okay?” Ketut shouted back at me, always happy to pull in for another cup of Nescafe.

I wanted to say, “This has been the perfect day. I feel alive. My brain has been de-fuzzed. My soul has been refreshed. Life doesn’t get any better than this!” But neither his English, nor my Indonesian, were up to that task. “Bagus!” I hollered over the engine’s grinding effort. It’s a word that can’t be misunderstood. Translated it simply means good. And between friends, good is good enough.

How do you eat an elephant?

First, the universe. Then, a galaxy. Within that galaxy, a solar system. Balanced in orbit, three planets away from the sun of that system: Earth. The northern and southern hemispheres. The Atlantic and Pacific Oceans. Five degrees south of the Equator, the 17,000 islands of Indonesia. One of those: Bali. A dot a little off center on the map: Ubud.

You eat an elephant one bite at a time.

I wrote a mini Michener-esque intro to this post because it needed that perspective.

Jules Verne authored, Around the World in Eighty Days. There were very few books that captured my interest in the tiny library at Central School in northern Minnesota, where I attended grades K – 6.  By the time I was seven, I had blown through most of what those shelves had to offer, The Black Stallion, The Black Stallion Races, The Black Stallion and Flame, Sue Barton Student Nurse, and the like. I was hungry for some unnamed thing that was missing from my literary diet. So I browsed the stacks for thick bindings with frayed, cloth edges, hoping to find treasure. I discovered Jules Verne. My eyes were opened to LITERATURE. There was no going back.

Then I grew up and forgot what I loved.

Decades later, Bali lured me. The village of Ubud, bursting with life, felt right to my remembering self. Nobody told me I had found my way to the home of the largest annual literary event in Asia.

The Ubud Writers’ and Readers Festival has taken me around the world in five days. Two-hundred-thirty-five writers from thirty countries came, by invitation only, to present at this festival. Thirteen were from the U.S. Thousands of volunteers, worldwide, applied, were screened, and a few hundred were accepted. Can you imagine the cultural differences? The diverse belief systems? The political prejudices represented by so vast a gathering? But all came, peacefully, joyfully, for the love of words. They spoke their truths and were heard.

As one of the volunteers, the immense privilege I enjoyed simply by my birthright as a U.S., English speaking, citizen was drilled home at the closing ceremony last night. Three of my Indonesian teammates approached me, huge smiles, radiating sheer goodness. They thanked me repeatedly and wanted to have photos taken with me. It was a joyous moment. Then one of the group said something to his friend in Indonesian. The most authoritative of the three reprimanded him, “Speak English when we are with Sherry,” he said.

I choked on that bite of the elephant.

Privilege rose up and swallowed my heart. I am in Indonesia, but the entire festival was conducted in English. There were translators who turned every native tongue into my language. The volunteers must speak English. The local Balinese patrons and sponsors, who contribute generously to this event, are not all fluent in English. Much of the rich content of the festival was lost for them.

So I sit here with the elephant of entitlement facing me, and I bow in humility to that elephant. It is with me wherever I go, simply because I was born white, in America.

Balinese man reading the Festival Program

Man Reading the Festival Program Photo by Muda Sagala

The Sketchy Truth

People are creative. Even those who say they aren’t, have, in some capacity, reservoirs of creativity.

Day two of the Ubud Writers’ Festival brought out the best. Take the man with exotic lips and Italian hair who tried to enter an event today without a ticket. “I’m with the Cambodian Space Project,” he told the attendant.

“Of course you are,” said the diplomatic gatekeeper, stifling the urge to roll his eyes. “But I still need to see your pass.”  The interloper mumbled something about his group and ambled away.

Not long afterward another ticketless fellow approached and was stopped by the attendant. “I’m the police,” he growled and began to push past. My friend wasn’t buying it. He stepped in front of the man and said, “Then I’ll need to see some identification.” Of course the man had none and left in a huff.

Later, we discovered that The Cambodian Space Project is a musical group performing at the Festival. Who knew? And the exotic lips and Italian hair did come back with a pass.

But the police? Not a sign of that guy.

My personal favorites are the ones who say, “I’m a writer,” expecting that somehow those magic words will open doors and give them unlimited access to whatever they want. The Festival writers are here by invitation. They wear signs around their necks. You can’t miss them. If you’re any other writer than that, you don’t count for beans and you need to buy a ticket just like everyone else.

The Cambodian Space Project

Or volunteer, which is what I’m doing. Besides having free access to more than 76 events, I get to watch creative people at their best, and worst!

 

A Writers’ Fire

It’s dark. Quiet. Still. I stand at the street looking down on a small circle of men in white. Where is everybody? I check the time…7:45…I’m early.

There are hundreds of people in Ubud for the 2013 Writers’ Festival. A large percentage of them are the volunteers from around the world. They make this event possible. All of us are invited here tonight. Is Minnesota, U.S.A. the only place on earth where people arrive a bit early to make sure they’re on time?

I make my way, with some trepidation, down the staircase toward the gathering. As I approach I notice a person sitting on the sidelines. His brown shirt, pants, shoes, and stocking-cap blend with his skin. He’s invisible. He notices me and says hello, then smiles a mouthful of white teeth. He’s no longer invisible. He assures me that this is the right place and invites me to take a seat on the platform with the holy men.

Holy men are scary. They shouldn’t be. I’ve been hugged by an ancient holy man who was about a foot shorter than I am. But in Balinese hierarchy, a holy man is at the very pinnacle of authority.

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One of the men in the circle has noticed me. He nods. I nod back and smile. The next thing I know he is beside me, asking my name and where I’m from. This is standard procedure anywhere in Bali. Siapa nama anda? Di mana?

Pak Ketut takes me under his wing and informs me that this ceremony honors the Hindu diety, Agni, the fire god. The priests are busy preparing the altar, which by now is covered with flowers and fruit. I’m surprised we aren’t here to ask the blessing of Saraswati, goddess of knowledge and the arts. I ask Pak Ketut about it and he explains that Agni burns away all that is unwanted. The intention of this ceremony is to clear out whatever stands in the way of a successful, 2013 Ubud Writers’ Festival.

While I’m engrossed in Hindu Ceremonies 101, a few others straggle in. They join Pak Ketut and me and get the same questions, Siapa nama anda? Di mana? There is a woman from Singapore, one from Borneo, an Australian chap, and me. This time when invited to join the holy men on the platform we do so.

It’s 9 p.m. when the 8 o’clock ceremony commences. I should know this by now. Bali operates on jam karet, rubber time. Nothing ever starts when it’s supposed to. When time is attached to an event it’s a mere suggestion.  The Balinese possess an innate knowing and always appear en masse at the precise moment things commence. Or maybe things commence when the Balinese appear en masse?

There isn’t a full gamelan orchestra, but one of the men has cymbals. Another has a rattle. I notice now that all the holy men have some type of instrument. The officiating priest rings a bell and it begins. There is a cup of water and a folded banana leaf in a dish in front of me. I watch as the others dip the leaf in the water and pour it on their hands, cleansing them. Suda, sitting beside me, tells me if I touch anything besides rice during the ceremony, I must wash my hands again. I am reminded of this every time I take a photo. Suda points to the water and I dutifully wash.

There is a bowl of dry rice and a banana between us.

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A low tinkling begins. The priest chants in Sanskrit. Those in the group who can, echo the response. As the volume builds the fire is fed and becomes a dancing apparition in the center. The sound ebbs and flows. The music stops. In a grand finale lasting at least fifteen minutes, the priests incant. The sound crescendos to an abrupt halt and we all grab a handful of rice and throw it on the fire.

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The chant resumes and this performance is repeated over and over and over again. The rice in our dish is replenished many times. Then it stops.

We stand and form a circle. Very slowly, clapping a rhythm, our intimate little group of about twenty people, circles the fire. Then one-by-one we approach the holy man. It’s my turn. I kneel and incline my head toward him. He dips his finger in a mixture of oil and ash from the bowl sitting in front of him and with one finger, puts a dot of black over my third eye. When all have received their mark, food is distributed and it’s party time.

We open our neat packages to explore the contents. My new friends poke tentatively at the food while I dive in with my fingers and gobble the delicacies. Yum. We say goodbyes then Pak Ketut is there. “What do you feel about this ceremony?” he asks me as he makes a circle in the air with his arm then pats his chest. “What do you feel in here?” I pause. What do I feel? How has the night impacted me? And how do I communicate that with someone whose English is minimal. I open my mouth, not sure what will come out, but the words are there. “I feel special,” I said. “I feel special and blessed.” Pak Ketut beams. “Yes.” he says.

Together we have fed the fire. Bushels of rice and bananas smolder in the embers. Agni’s tummy is full and so is mine. Let the 2013 Ubud Writers’ Festival begin!

Honeymooners Pick Bali’s Best

They have had the four hour, Balinese Royal Spa Treatment at Jiwa Raga.

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They have harvested sea salt, visited the bat cave temple, admired the Balinese coffee plantations where they tested Luwak (poop) coffee, hiked the Tagalalang rice terraces, fed the elephants, snorkeled the ocean floor, and strolled with monkeys.

But what grabbed them, shook them, and thrilled them beyond all else?

I met Jenny and Kennen at Napi Orti for Bintang last night and asked them, “What’s been the best part of Bali so far?” Now here’s the test of true love. They didn’t glance at each other to check in and gauge the ‘right’ thing to say. There was no hesitation. In unison they exclaimed, “The rafting and Mt. Batur!” With eyes glowing, Jenny continued, “There was a point about two-thirds of the way up the mountain when I was sweating, gripping the rocks at an almost vertical climb, in the dark, wondering if we’d make it to the top in time for the sunrise. And if we did, I hoped it would be worth the effort!”

Kennen chimed in, “We did make it, and it was amazing! The sun came up and reflected on the ocean, and Lake Batur…”

“And there was the other big mountain in the distance…Agung?” Jenny asked. I nodded. “And they fed us hard boiled eggs, bananas and coffee. The coffee was great! I brought a hoodie with me, but my legs were bare and it was cold!”

After a few more details of the successful climb followed by a therapeutic soak in the hot baths of Batur’s vocanic caldera, the conversation turned to the rafting experience.

Their descriptions of riding the tumultuous river through canyons, under waterfalls, and over rocky rapids had my heart racing. “We wore helmets and life vests, and at first we were terrified,” Jenny described the three-and-a-half hour adventure as a strenuous test of strength and stamina. Kennen described Jenny as a crazy woman. “When the raft got hung up on the rocks, Jenny would scramble to the front and heave it back and forth until it let loose!” He looked at her with a full-dimpled smile and shook his head. “And when a guy fell overboard, she grabbed him and hauled him back in.” All the scary river scenes ever filmed flashed before my eyes.

So they like Xtreme sports. That’s okay as long as they come back intact. Bali has plenty to offer in that department. In fact, Bali has plenty to offer in every department unless you’re a snowboarder. We’re a little short on snow here.

I expect soon their Facebook pages will be plastered with photos of their island honeymoon escape. The tales will be told again and again in their own words. The memories will be tucked into special mind space where magical times can be called up at a moment’s notice for reflection and remembrance. My favorite photo so far is this one of Jenny and Kennen standing in front of an ancient banyan tree, deep in the sacred Monkey Forest.

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If ever there were two peas in a pod, destined to be together, it’s Jenny and Kennen. Here’s to many years of happiness…Selamat!

And…Here Comes the Bride!

But backing up just a bit…

A wedding aboard the SS Jeremiah O’Brien, a US Liberty Ship docked by Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco, is the stuff of dreams. Planning and executing such an event is a joyous nightmare!

When I offer to come to San Francisco for two months to help Jenny and Kennen prepare, I have no idea what that means, but am elated when they agree. I float on a bubble of happy anticipation as I comb Craigslist for a place to stay. Lodging secured, I pack, say goodbye to Minnesota, and the adventure begins.

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SS Jeremiah O’Brien, US Liberty Ship from World War II

My first assignment after settling in is a visit to the site with Jenny to assess décor possibilities.

The massive, gray ship docked near Fisherman’s Wharf basks like a giant whale in the Bay. It houses a maritime museum but is otherwise very much the same as it was during its working life. A narrow gangway leads from the pier to the deck. The stairs shake and lurch as we begin our ascent. Far below the churning sea is visible in the spaces between the treads. My stomach lets me know how unhappy it is to be put to this test so early in the game.

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Location of ceremony and dance

Once on deck, Jenny takes the lead pointing out a raised platform where the ceremony and dancing will take place.  The Bay unfolds before us, and the city skyline is jagged on the horizon behind. There isn’t much I’ll need to do to improve upon the setting. We take some measurements and photos, then head downstairs to the dining room.

The ship’s galley has all the ambiance of a Legion Hall. I begin mouthing Hail Mary’s while hyperventilating. Breathe, Sherry, breathe. It’s great advice, but the space isn’t speaking to me. Actually, that’s not true. The room is sticking it’s tongue out and laughing in my face! Every self-doubt I’ve ever had rises up to taunt me. “I have two months!” is the only consoling thought I can muster, while wondering if two years would be enough.

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Ship’s galley where dinner will be served

I’ve always admired designers who can step into a space and, with wild gestures, eyes glazed, seeing what isn’t there, wax eloquent as they announce ‘the vision.’ My eyes glaze, but it’s not with a vision.

Days pass, but finally an idea whispers to me. That’s all I need, just one thread of possibility to hook into. Then a torrent of  inspiration pours forth. I’ve been given a budget. I scour Berkeley on foot for items that will give form to the intangible images in my head. When I’m not roaming the streets, I search online, sourcing tulle, lights, and ribbon, in quantities that make my heart fibrillate. I run through the plan with Jenny and Kennen and get the green light. All systems go. Gulp.

The following weeks are a blur of Ted Talks. Assembly line workers possess a high tolerance for repetition and monotony. My vision for adorning the space requires hours of tedious crafting.  I’m not fond of crafts, but I’m hopelessly fond of my youngest daughter. So, tuned in to Ted, I while away the hours making centerpieces.

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The bouquets come together at the rate of about one every four hours. Two a day is my limit, and some days I only manage one. But they’re finally complete and it’s time to begin the chair back decor. I make a sketch for approval before beginning the second mind-numbing craft. By this time, Ted nauseates me. I graduate to Dr. Who. It takes 42 episodes to complete 87 ribbon swags. Thank you, Dr. Who.

P1040553Saint Melody, my landlady, notices my deteriorating condition and calls in the troops. A group of her friends gather to assist, and fingers fly. The lone male in attendance keeps us hydrated with green apple martinis. Bless him! When they leave the last project is under control. I have two days to spare.

It feels like I’ve been handed a get-out-of-jail-free card! Those two days are spacious and free, but my nights are filled with stressful dreams. The pieces are ready but the puzzle isn’t assembled. That has to happen in the four-hour window of time we’ve been granted access to the ship the day before the wedding.

While I’m behind the scenes doing my thing, Jenny and Kennen are multi-tasking robots. They interview caterers, party outfitters, DJ’s, photographers, liquor suppliers, day-of wedding managers, clean-up crews, and interface with the ship event coordinator. They taste-test food and create signature drinks. A week before the wedding, Jenny flies to New York for a four-day business trip. Kennen finalizes the flow-chart that will ensure everything gets done, creates a seating chart for guests, and that’s just the bit I am privy to. I’m sure I don’t know the half of it. My respect for their teamwork and the ability to keep it all together without melt-downs is immense.

D-day arrives. Everything is at the ship, waiting for me. I’m terrified.  One by one my help arrives. I outline the plan and I am blown away by the cooperation, focus, and determined energy harnessed for those four hours. They accomplish the impossible. What a team!

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Time’s up. We stand back and survey the transformation.  Even the cranky old codgers whose job it is to care for the ship day-to-day, appear dazzled.

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I stop holding my breath. That night I sleep like the dead.

The next morning dawns a perfect San Francisco day. The bride is in her suite with her bridesmaids, the hair and makeup artist, the photographer, and me. Breakfast arrives, a delectable array of fruit, quiches, croissants, and coffee.

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There’s music and happy chatter as each of us is transformed into our better self.

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The photographer is a feisty French woman who is petit in size only. Her personality overlaps the room, filling it with zesty enthusiasm. I lose it when she has Jenny pose by the red wall. Her camera clicks like a machine gun as she whoops, “You’re a stallion! A stallion!” I might have chosen a different word. Goddess seems somehow appropriate. I feel the lump in my throat as emotion wells behind my eyelids.

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Then it’s the first look on the mezzanine of the Sir Francis Drake Hotel. I’ve never heard of the first look. These past two months have been a crash course in Wedding 101.

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After that it’s full bore to show time! We catch the limo bus to the pier for more photos.P1040777 P1040786

I am adamant about the flags even though their viability is questioned at every turn. To my aesthetic, the four fifteen foot white billows  are a necessary counterpart upstairs to the tulle and lights below. Here they form a dramatic backdrop as Jenny gazes, pensive, into the distance. I wonder what she’s thinking in these last moments.P1040787

I catch a kiss, then my camera dies. It’s great timing. I can be present for the rest of the day without the glass eye of the lens between me and the unveiling of a new life. I have no doubts about this partnership. It’s stronger than a ship’s knot. Mr. and Mrs. Kennen Pflughoeft, thank you. I love you.

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Wedding Countdown

Here thy come, trickling in, eyes big as smiles. Family.

And friends.

Jenny and I enjoyed another ‘last supper’ at A Cote. This one was ultra-special. It was her thank-you treat. What a privilege to be able to be here on hand to help at this amazing time. Gratitude.

Dinner was spectacular. We had a cheese plate that puts any previous cheese plates to shame. It was presented on a marble slab with thin wafers of a still hot, dark cracker-bread. There were sliced figs, candied pecans, almonds, and two varieties of cheese, both a buttery consistency but two vastly different flavors. The wine steward waxed eloquent over the varieties of Sauvignon Blanc, our preference with the cheese. Mine was rich and full, Jenny’s had a lighter, brighter finish. When the second course arrived, a dish of mussels in a cream broth with traces of anisette and cayenne, we switched. Jenny ordered a glass of my wine, and I choose hers. Delightful.

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We got the memo…wear red!

Mussels and wine consumed, we headed to Trappist Provisions near College Ave. and Alcatraz to meet Jessa and Dan for beer.

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Jenny and I arrived right on time. Jessa called announcing that they had just finished yoga, HOT yoga, and they were sweaty, stinky, and what kind of place was this? If they had to look presentable, it wasn’t happening. I assured her that they would ‘fit right in’.

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The beer menu could have been written in hieroglyphics. I recognized nothing but the alcohol content. I pointed out one to Jenny that said 11.5%. As it happened, when I asked her which on the list would be the darker beer, that was it. Jenny knows her beer, she said that’s the one I’d like, and of course, I did.

About that time, Jessa and Dan called. They were getting close but weren’t sure exactly… Jenny went outside to flag them in. How cute is she? Seriously!?!

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Finally, the yoginis arrive, tired but happy, and not looking nearly as unholy as they had led us to believe.

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We went over a few of the last minute wedding details, talked, laughed, and soaked up togetherness. I sort of sat and beamed on everyone because by then, two glasses of wine and my 11.5% beer had me feeling M E L L O W!

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Next stop, USS Jerimiah O’Brien docked at Fisherman’s Wharf for the Wedding Rehearsal. It’s beginning to feel very, very real!

101 Breaths

Nine eleven.

Those numbers, in that order, will forever mean something more than just two numbers spoken together.

It was early morning. I was driving my youngest daughter to school. We had the car radio on and the program was interrupted. A plane had crashed into the World Trade Center. I remember thinking that something in the traffic control tower must have gone terribly wrong. Within moments, another plane hit.

I had been in New York two weeks earlier with middle daughter, Joy, helping her move into the dorm at FIT in Manhattan. Now I dialed and redialed her number. Nothing.

By the time I got to work a third plane had careened into the Pentagon. My cousin worked there. My daughter still didn’t answer.

Twelve years later, can it be? It’s over a decade, but still fresh, still a terror of the heart. Both my daughter and my cousin were unharmed. Many others were less fortunate.

This morning I sat in meditation. I couldn’t still the thoughts until one idea caught my attention. It said, “Take 101 breaths to cleanse the heart.” I gulped a lungful of air and expelled it slowly, tightening the stomach muscles until the last wisp of it left my nostrils. Then slowly, methodically, I counted each deep inhale and elongated exhale, one hundred and one times, remembering and letting go.

Justin Lane/Pool/Getty Image

Justin Lane/Pool/Getty Image

Breathwork, or pranayama in yoga circles, brings harmony to the body, mind, and spirit. My body knew what was needed and sent the subtle message to me in the form of a thought.

The breaths completed, I sat in gratitude, the heaviness of those memories lifted. I honored the losses in a way that didn’t consume me.

Once again the body has taught me a valuable lesson. When dealing with too much emotion…101 breaths.

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