When I look at this photo I want to laugh and cry and fall to my knees. I want to say to the young man planting grass, “Please, don’t ever change.”
What I actually said went something like this: “Those sticks, Ketut. Do you really expect them to grow?”
“Ya,” he replied. “Soon many.”
My only frame of reference to gardening was Minnesota. If you lopped a branch off a tree and stuck it in the ground in that climate, trust me. It absolutely would not grow.
Ketut gathered cast-off cuttings from nearby hotels and scrounged compost piles after dark. He dug up bushes from his family’s garden in the mountains near Kintamani and transplanted them here. He had a vision and the skills to manifest it. In no time the grass filled in and the stick-garden matured. There were papaya and banana trees, frangipani, and bougainvillea.
In spite of my skepticism, the plantings matured and multiplied. I added a gazebo to the once-upon-a-time stick-garden. Ketut installed electricity and a fan. Now I could have my coffee there and read or write surrounded by voluptuous tropical foliage.
It’s been five years since Ketut gathered branches and stuck them in the ground. Hundreds of plants bursting with fruit and flowers have emerged from those scant beginnings. I wonder, have I changed too? Have the seven years in Bali transformed me from the stick-garden I was when I arrived to someone fully alive?
I have more close friends, more visitors, more invitations, and more commitments than ever before. I’ve learned a foreign language, written two novels and a memoir, and had many articles published. I’ve leased land, built a house, and explored the mountains and coastlines of the island on the back of Ketut’s motorbike. I’ve held Writing for Self-Discovery workshops and my blog has brought others to Bali to imagine their own possibilities.
But what about self-discovery, the reason I began this writing journey in the first place? I had to dig for those answers and when I did I found I’ve become more honest. I’m willing to be seen hanging out my dirty laundry. I’m prepared to be disliked rather than sacrifice who I am. My list was revealing.
- I let go of perfect – horns fit me better than haloes
- I know things – it’s okay to be smart, intuitive and right
- I’m worthy of love – self-love is essential, not selfish
- I’ve developed a sense of humor – dry and warped but it works
- I thrive in tropical heat – with an ice-cold mug of Bintang
- I’m a creature of habit – don’t mess with my routine
- I’m courageous – but definitely not fearless
- I’ve become transparent – see my shadow? It’s really dark!
- I need privacy – especially in the morning
- I feared loneliness – it didn’t happen
- I can manage unconditional love – but not marriage
And Ketut? The young man I hoped would never change? His smile is broader, his laughter even more infectious. He’s incapable of malice. His kindness is immeasurable.
Everything changes, but some things just get better.
writing for self-discovery 
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